Ellie asked at dinner the other night.
She's SEVEN.
We tried to talk to her and figure out why she asked that, why she was worried about fat, if she even knew what fat was… but to no avail. She clammed up and wouldn't say another word.
I know what is coming. The obsessing over weight, the counting calories, the strange diets… all of us women go through it at various points in our lives. Being a teenager is tough – and struggling with body image is a huge part of that. I know we need to start talking more about healthy food, taking care of our bodies – but not obsessing over them, the changes that are ahead for her as she grows up… I just wasn't thinking we needed to start that quite so soon. It makes me so sad to think this gorgeous girl is even worrying about things like this.
This breaks my heart that we're seeing this at SEVEN. Is she really worried about getting fat at seven? Where is this coming from? We eat fairly healthy (with the occasional pizza thrown in), we're all pretty slim, we don't talk about diets or losing weight in front of the kids… and Ellie is very average in her height and weight. (And she's recently become obsessed with getting braces. For some reason she's worried about getting braces?)
Maybe because she is bigger than her sister? Gracie is younger,and fairly petite, but its not a huge difference between them. Maybe its from friends? I just can't figure it out. That question hit me like a truck and I'm still trying to sort it out. Any advice?
About Melissa
My daughters have said similar things at times (they are almost 8 and 9). Some of the concern about the food comes from my MIL. I had to explain that I try to serve healthy food most of the time and that the occasional junk food will not make us fat and unhealthy. I think the best thing is to answer the question or address the comment honestly but not to overreact. My daughter heard me say something bad about myself (I said I felt like a fat cow!) and I had to tell her that I shouldn’t have said that about myself, but also that it is true that I don’t always like the way I look. I exercise a lot and she said something about exercising to be skinny and I let her know it was so I FELT good, not looked good (although it is a nice bonus). I just think honesty and lots of positive talk is the way to go.
Not sure if it helps but please let Ellie know that I have met her in person and that she is one of the most beautiful and graceful young ladies her age I have ever met. And that her smile just lights up the room.
We have heard some comments from Naia about mean remarks from her classmates but nothing like this that seems to have some embedded concerns tied to an “innocent” remark. Wish I had some advice but I have been checking out the parenting girls section at the church bookstore and if I come across anything I’ll share!
Sometimes, as I’m sure you know, kids just pick stuff up from other kids at school, or even teachers/administration. Did they have some sort of health class/seminar where they talked about healthy eating or fatty foods or something? she could have gotten it from that too….
Could she just be wondering about different food groups? (even the back of one of our cereal boxes has a food group pyramid on it … and the kids ask questions about it) Or did it seem more related to herself?
Every kids asks questions like that and girls do tend to ask them more. My sister fell in with the popular crowd in the 2nd grade and tried to fit in and they filled her in on all sorts of stuff including telling her that our mother was over weight. Wasn’t that lovely? Our mom is but she fed us very healthy and we never were over weight growing up and my mom and dad did everything they could think of to try to talk to my sister and get her to see that those girls were wrong and not to try to fit in with them and find better friends but eventually she just had to figure it out on her own. I was blessed and I just never cared what others thought. Anyway most of the things that my sister learned and wondered about were from from her friends at school and she would come home and ask her about them. The girls from school were slick too the worst one totally was a different kid infront of adults than she was in front of kids so until my sister actually admitted where she was hearing things from no one knew. Praying for your family. Your daughter is beautiful and she probably is just curious I asked questions too and was just plain wondering with no real other feelings behind it
Boo was about the same age, but in part it was because of what she had learned at school. They had talked about labels and what they mean, and Boo took it just way to far. We had to talk to her about it, and told her that she didn’t need to worry about calories and fat, that we were doing that for her. That she ate very healthy, so not to worry about that as well. Does she eat her veggies, her fruits and makes sure she drinks enough water? Does she not run and play everyday? She was fine.
It took a couple times of having this same conversations over and over again but she got it.
My 7yo announced this summer that she was fat. She’s far from it. After questioning, she was comparing herself to a friend, who is all knees and elbows. So while we got my daughter to agree she’s thin, she said she wants to be skinny, like her friend. It was disturbing, to say the least, but after continuing to talk, we think it ended well. (She’s also worried about the pain of braces – even though we haven’t even talked about them with her.)
Thanks so much for the tips, Nicole. I think that is definitely key – teaching being healthy and feeling healthy being the goal. Not being skinny.
Thanks, Kellyn! Those are such great tips. You are totally right — this is NOT going to go away with a single conversation