One of my kids was throwing a fit in public. I was furiously whispering to her "Stop that. Now." Threatening "you just wait until we get home" and "that's enough." Then it came out.
"You're embarrassing me!"
My main concern was not where her heart is or the disobedience I was seeing there. I was more worried about how I look in front of all these other parents. I was totally embarrassed by her behavior. And that's why I wanted her to stop.
It was a startling reminder that my concern with my children should not their outward behavior. It should be about their hearts. Its not about having quiet, well-mannered, cute children. It is about my calling as a mother to teach, rebuke, correct and train them in righteousness. (2 Tim 3:16) To remember that all behaviors are linked to the heart and "out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." (Luke 6:45) I cannot allow my desire for good behavior overrule my desire for a changed heart. I need to "bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord." (Eph 6:4)
Focus, Mom. You only get one shot at this.
Very nicely put. I have to remind myself of this from time to time, that how others see me as a parent does not matter in the grand scheme of things.
Posted by: Kellyn | 08 October 2009 at 10:20 AM
melissa... i just wanted to take a minute to tell you how much i love your blog. it always makes me think, smile, reflect, and sometimes get teary. your journey touches my heart and speaks to me because it is so real and seems so familiar to me. Thanks for talking about the stuff that is hard to deal with, but everyone has to!
Posted by: Shannon | 08 October 2009 at 04:05 PM
I must have said, "I was so embarrassed" about 20 times today. Drew peed on a WHITE (yes, white) couch in a waiting room today. It's up for debate regarding whether that was an act of disobedience or not. But, I can totally identify with the feelings of embarrassment over kid things. ugh.
Posted by: Kelly Raudenbush | 08 October 2009 at 04:16 PM
this was SUCH a great post. I need that reminder too. Lately I really feel God calling me to reflect over my reactions and what they are fueled by...
Posted by: misty | 08 October 2009 at 05:26 PM
Oh so true! Thanks for the reminder- we could all use it I'm sure. Dealing with the heart of the matter is why this is such a hard job- but it IS so worth it
Posted by: EveryChapter | 08 October 2009 at 05:31 PM
Woah. You got me. You're so right - we only get once chance, and if we miss our focus, we won't be able to redo this job. Thanks for the reminders and the parallel scriptures!
Posted by: jen | 08 October 2009 at 05:32 PM
I needed this reminder. I've been feeling so lost in my abilities as a mom and some days I forget that my son's behavior is not about me. I also get too wrapped up in the embarrassment factor. I should print this post and keep it in my pocket as a constant reminder. Thank you for writing this.
Posted by: Incognito Mom | 08 October 2009 at 10:41 PM
I haven't hit the embarrassment yet but I know that it is coming. Let's just say that I have a spirited little girl. Multiple times every single day, I pray that God will give me the wisdom and the strength to raise her to be loving, responsible, faithful and loyal. Thanks so much for the verses too.
Posted by: Megan (mommyesquire) | 09 October 2009 at 09:07 AM
Thanks for the great reminder. Lots of good (secular) stuff about embarrassment with parenting at ordinarycourage.com
Posted by: Jessica@maythebeauty | 09 October 2009 at 06:37 PM