Tomorrow I'm leaving for Las Vegas for 3 days. Without my kids. This will be my first night away from Colin.
Ever.
In his whole, entire 17-month life.
I had left my other kids overnight by now. Ellie, I left because I was having another baby and all. Gracie, I think I left for a funeral. I've never left a baby this early and certainly never left a baby for something as frivolous as Vegas!
I was cuddling him this morning, kissing his soft, warm, pudgy cheeks and I almost cried. What am I going to do without him? Even when I am dying to get away from him, suffocating in motherhood, I still miss him when I leave. Goodness, I miss him when I go to the grocery store. And when I call to check on him? And hear him in the background talking ("Ma-Ma! MAMA!")? Oh, how my heart squeezes.
And when I come home and he sees me and runs towards me with his arms out and gives me a gigantic hug... sigh...
And I'll miss my girls, of course. Gracie was crying this morning, hugging me and
saying how much she was going to miss me. "What will I do without you,
Mommy?" she sobbed. "Who will I snuggle with in the morning?" Don't even get me started on the fact that I will be gone on Thursday, which is Gracie's birthday.
So, this week I've learned that sometimes its hard to put yourself or your husband first. Sometimes its hard to turn off the Mommy and be Wife. Or Self.
I know I'm going to have fun and enjoy the time alone with my husband. I know how important this is to my marriage. And how I'll be a better mommy after having a break. And I know I need a break - believe me, I am really looking forward to this trip.
But I'm still going to miss my babies.
Kissing those cheeks goodbye at the airport and hearing him cry "Mama" as I walk away from him is going to break my heart.
More What I Learned This Week posts here.