girlymama

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first day, first grade

It's not that she's going to school. Or how old she looks.

Now that she is in first grade, she will leave our house at 8:20am and return at 4:10. That's almost exactly EIGHT hours.

It scares me to death that she will spend the majority of her waking hours away from me.

She still is so young. So impressionable. So vulnerable. So little.

How can this be right for her? Isn't the best, safest place for her at home? Am I sending her into the big, bad world too soon?

Clearly I'm having my annual back-to-school freak out.

inspiration - 8.30

"What is the reason that some believers are so much brighter and holier than others? I believe the difference, in nineteen causes out of twenty, arises from different habits about private prayer. I believe that those who are not eminently holy pray little, and those who are that those who are eminently holy pray much."

-- J.C. Ryle (1818-1900)

kids make me invisible. i think i like that.

So, maybe its just being in Vegas or something, but I'm apparently hot here.

And I'm not talking about the 300 degree heat. (Man ALIVE is it hot here! Yesterday I swore my flip-flops were melting.)

Every time I've turned around this trip, I have had guys hitting on me. Just this morning - and its only 9:30 here - I've been sitting by myself in Panera's enjoying my coffee and bagel with a whole day to myself in front of me - and I have had two guys constantly staring at me and another guy who  was actually bold enough to come up and talk to me and ask if he could sit down at my table. My jaw just dropped in what was probably a very unflattering way when that happened. Thank goodness I had my laptop so I could plead "work" as an excuse.

Husband and I were out by the pool yesterday, lounging in chairs (While I  read a book! At the pool!) and I actually stopped going swimming because the blatant attention from group of six guys was making me uncomfortable.  And my husband was right there with me! Rude!
(Note: Husband has been practicing his "evil eye" a lot on this trip.)

And don't even get me started about one of our waiters!
(Note to waiters: Don't flirt with the wife. Its the husband who is paying your tip.)

But I have a theory about this. I did not get a makeover, I'm not wearing anything sexy or suggestive. I'm still wearing my wedding ring. My new haircut isn't that cute. Its simply this:

MY KIDS AREN'T WITH ME.

I guess we should never underestimate how unattractive three kids makes us to the average guy ;-)

Seriously though, without my kids I'm suddenly a "chick" again, as opposed to an invisible mom. I confess, at first it was a little flattering ("Yes! Still got it!") but by the time my plane landed in Vegas, I was tired of it. At least I have the trump card to get them to leave me alone... "Actually, I'm married with three kids! How about you?"

***UPDATE - NOW someone just offered to buy me coffee! And when I said "No, thank you," he offered to buy me a pastry. "Because I look so sweet." What the heck?

vegas, baby

Can you guess the celebrity I spotted last night?

Our hotel is amazing! We're staying at the Hilton Grand at the Flamingo  Resort. Our 'room' is actually a one-bedroom villa that is about the size of our first apartment. Only much, much nicer. (Do you think they would notice if I packed up the kitchen in my suitcase and brought it home with me?)

Last night, we went out on the town and I saw what felt like most of the strip. My poor feet. We went to the Flamingo, MGM Grand, New York New York, Planet Hollywood Casino, Excalibur, Mandalay Bay, Bellagio, and Luxor. I saw so many 'classic' Vegas stops, like the fountain show at the Bellagio. So cool. 

And people watching here can't be beat. We were absolutly hysterical last night. You see anything and everything here! Not to mentin there was some kind of stripper convention going on at one of the casinos, so you can only imagine the outfits. Ahem!

I think that Mandalay Bay was my favorite casino. It was so gorgeous inside. We had an amazing dinner there at Lupo by Wolfgang Puck. My husband had a pasta with the absolute best sauce I've ever tasted in my entire life. And the drinks! There was a pear martini that was positively dangerous. And our waiter got the bartender to make me an off-menu wildberry cosmo that was fantastic. 

(We also had drinks and an appetizer earlier that night at the Bellagio at Noodle that was wonderful. We were tempted to order dinner there too, but it was only like 4pm. We may be old, but we're not ready to eat dinner that early!)

Today we're heading over to the resort. If its half as nice as this, I'll be a happy gal!

my greatest surprise

you are the biggest surprise of my life.

you surprised the heck out of me when i discovered i was ten weeks pregnant with you.

you surprised me when you decided to arrive 5 weeks early.

you surprised me when you become crawled at 5 months.

you surprised me when you gave yourself a concussion at 16 months.

you surprised me when - after we had you tested because of speech delay - you suddenly broke out in full sentences.

you constantly surprise me with your reasoning, which seems flawless to you, but is actually remarkably hilarious.

you surprise me with you goofy sense of humor.

you surprise me by climbing into our bed without our even noticing it until morning.

you surprise me with your sweetness.

you surprise me with your courage, just when i'm sure you will chicken out, you make yourself do something that frightens you.

you surprise me with your thoughtfulness, with your fierce protection of your siblings and your faith.

you are my greatest surprise.
i love you.

i may never go home

Guess whose husband was all sneaky and sweet and upgraded her to FIRST CLASS?

That's right. MINE!

I'm off to enjoy getting spoiled....

wordless wednesday: how can i cut these curls?

leaving my baby, packing the guilt

Tomorrow I'm leaving for Las Vegas for 3 days. Without my kids. This will be my first night away from Colin.
Ever.
In his whole, entire 17-month life.

I had left my other kids overnight by now. Ellie, I left because I was having another baby and all. Gracie, I think I left for a funeral. I've never left a baby this early and certainly never left a baby for something as frivolous as Vegas!

I was cuddling him this morning, kissing his soft, warm, pudgy cheeks and I almost cried. What am I going to do without him? Even when I am dying to get away from him, suffocating in motherhood, I still miss him when I leave. Goodness, I miss him when I go to the grocery store. And when I call to check on him? And hear him in the background talking ("Ma-Ma! MAMA!")? Oh, how my heart squeezes.

And when I come home and he sees me and runs towards me with his arms out and gives me a gigantic hug... sigh...

And I'll miss my girls, of course. Gracie was crying this morning, hugging me and saying how much she was going to miss me. "What will I do without you, Mommy?" she sobbed. "Who will I snuggle with in the morning?"  Don't even get me started on the fact that I will be gone on Thursday, which is Gracie's birthday.

So, this week I've learned that sometimes its hard to put yourself or your husband first. Sometimes its hard to turn off the Mommy and be Wife. Or Self.

I know I'm going to have fun and enjoy the time alone with my husband. I know how important this is to my marriage. And how I'll be a better mommy after having a break. And I know I need a break - believe me, I am really looking forward to this trip.

But I'm still going to miss my babies.

Kissing those cheeks goodbye at the airport and hearing him cry "Mama" as I walk away from him is going to break my heart.

More What I Learned This Week posts here.
 

this may make me sound a bit shallow...

Look what arrived in the mail:

I'm so happy. I know its just a cosmetic bag. But it has my make-up in it. And my glasses. And my perfume. And my favorite hair goop stuff that I love. 

Now I can go camping in a tent and 'rough it' as well as the next girl. And its not like I even wear much make-up on a daily basis. But not having ANY was a bit much for me to deal with. Because my beloved Target could not replace my essential makeup product: the best concealer in the world.

I opened it up and immediately sprayed on my perfume. Who thought I would miss that teeny-tiny ritual of perfume?

Sigh. I feel like myself again.

And I am eagerly awaiting being reunited with my ceramic flat iron, i mean, my husband in Las Vegas tomorrow.