Wait! Let me explain!
My husband’s family growing up didn’t do the whole Santa thing. He knew who Santa was, of course, but Santa didn’t bring the gifts on Christmas morning. Aside from the whole “Christmas is about Jesus, not Santa” thing, his parents felt that saying that ‘Santa’ brought the gifts wasn’t fair to the people (usually grandparents) who had actually given them. The kids knew about Santa, but he just wasn’t a part of their Christmas morning.
We decided to take the same route with our kids. For all the reasons my in-laws did, but also because we hate the idea of lying to our kids. When the kids ask about Santa, we tell them the story of Santa, we read Christmas books and we have a few Santa ornaments hanging on the tree. (We never say “Santa is not real” because he was real. But mostly because I would not want her to repeat that to another kid!)
We basically say in our house, we celebrate Jesus, not Santa. And our kids have always been totally cool with it. Well, they are four and five, so its not like they know the difference yet!
But a few days ago, our five-year-old asked me, “Are these Christmas stockings bad because they have Santa on them?”
So now what do we do? This could get to be a problem. I would never want her to tell another child that Santa is not real or that Santa is bad. I don’t want her to be that kid. (Remember that kid in first grade who told everyone else that he found out that Santa wasn’t real? And then you ran home to your mom and asked her if it was true? And she assured you it wasn’t, but you still waited up all Christmas Eve because you weren’t sure?)
How can I keep her from ruining another kid's Christmas?
All I can think of is to begin talking about how every family has different holiday traditions. Everyone celebrates Christmas a little differently. Some cultures have Santa, some don’t. Some people don’t even celebrate Christmas – we’ve started talking about Hanukkah, Ramadan and Kwanzaa, and I’m sure she’ll be learning more about those being in public school. I hope this will help her understand that what we do in our family may be different from other people, but it’s not necessarily right or wrong. I want her to share about our traditions, but not to feel self-conscious or – worse – self-righteous.
I want her to be proud of our family and what we do. Even if its different.
Originally posted on the Philly Moms Blog.
About Melissa
hmmm… that’s a tough one…
I’m delurking because I share your concerns. I’ve never taken a firm position on the existence or nonexistence of Santa for some of the reasons you list. What I do tell them is that I believe in what Santa represents, the Spirit of Giving — then use that as a segue into talking about our faith. With the world bombarding them with Santa and elves on the one hand, and with their parents talking about the true meaning of Christmas and putting Santa way, way in the background (without outright denying his existence) I’ve always wanted them to sorta figue it out on their own, logically and experientially, guided by our values. I think they’re there.
We never did Santa,either. When my oldest turned 5, he decided Santa was going to bring his stocking that year. We didn’t say much and continued with our normal routine.
When he asked we replied with a question to him. We read several books, Santa are you for real? is the best I’ve found.
I think its more of a problem when too much is made of it-either way.
We’re not doing Santa. We read the books and watch the shows and even visit him at the mall. We just present it like a character.. We have told her that Santa is pretend just like Mickey Mouse. We told her that some kids think he is real and not to say anything to them. So far it’s working.
This year we bought Christmas for a child in our community, and someone else delivered it so that no one but us and the delivery person knew who it came from. To my children, this is being Santa. Santa will not be bringing gifts to our house this year, but the spirit of Santa can live on through us. Thanks for your perspective!
Actually, I went to a Kwanza celebration and it is not a replacement to Christmas. It is adition too most of the time. It had nothing to do with replacing Christmas. Just spreading the word.
…. so does the toothfairy not go to your house either?
I think you handled that perfectly well