It has been a rough couple of weeks for our family. Big Sister starting school (and all the ensuing chaos, including separation anxiety & reverting to bed wetting). Little Sister being two in general (ie grumpy and moody). I was really struggling with anger towards them – they were just driving me crazy! I started leadership at Bible Study (Me? Are you sure you want me to do this?) My business is slowly starting, but not as quickly as we want. Husband traveling every week and his annual review (read “raise”) that was supposed to happen in August. We’ve taken on new responsibilities at church. Our house is torn up for repair of water damage & mold. We have no money (like, really. This Target clearance shopping is no longer purely for sport.). Friends of ours are in crisis. Husband and I are being very snippy to each other. I’m exhausted by my every day life – and I’m tired of being so tired. Life is just no fun these days.
But I really feel like I turned a corner this weekend. Last Monday, I literally prayed myself out of bed. (“Please, God, help me get out of this bed. I don’t want to. Help me survive this day and this week.”) Now, that’s a great attitude, right? But over the week, God changed my heart. I had several really good talks with Husband. I had most of Sunday “off” – even snuck in a nap and my wonderful Husband took the kids so I could be alone. In the house. (For, I think, the second time since we moved in a year ago!) I’m feeling better about things.
I’ve learned I need to keep my attitude in check because I discovered that my attitude shapes the attitudes of my entire family – kids and husband. I should not be relying on God to survive – I should be relying on Him to thrive where I am, in this time and place. I am letting my stress and exhaustion permeate my entire life – and it is making things worse. And I am not trusting God to take care of us.
Now my prayer is to show God’s love to my family. To serve them joyfully as onto the Lord. To be faithful in my responsibilities as a wife and mother and friend. And to trust that God will provide for us. I don’t feel like doing this, even now. But I am claiming the promises of God in my life – that He is sovereign and in complete control and He will guide me through this stressful and uncertain time in my life. I have no idea how, but I have faith that He will do it. Pray that I can keep that faith in my heart and live my life accordingly.
About Melissa
wow, I could have written that post myself. I can really relate to how you are feeling. I have become very frustrated and bitter in my own life. the only way I can get myself out of bed lately, to go to work, is to repeat “it’s just a job, I need that paycheck” over and over. I worry too much about money. I worry about my family. I am frustrated with my boyfriend. however, last night I did have a turning point as well. the boyfriend and I had a really good talk and we both were very honest with each other. also during that same conversation, I mentioned that I really wanted to go to church more regularly again. I’m always full of excuses, but I miss it. since moving (2.5 yrs ago!) I have not looked very hard for a new church. the boy and I both decided that yes, it’s something that we want to do. he thinks it would help me feel calmer and more in control of things. I agree. this is not how I want people to see me. I don’t want to put myself out there with my current bad attitude.
I’ll pray for you if you pray for me!
I have to say Ditto with both you and daynagirl.
Everyone feels like that from time to time. Thankfully/Luckily you have a good heart and recognize what you need to do and will do it. Often times people don’t realize what they need to do so they don’t do anything and just let the bad feelings consume them.
Good for you! I will keep you in my prayers that everything gets back to “normal” for you !
I guess there is truth to the saying “When it rains, it pours”
Short of saying something cliche like “God doesn’t give you more than you can handle” I will say that in spite of every trial and tribulation there is always something to be learned and it seems to me as though you have taken these last few weeks and turned them into a very valuable lesson. Or at least to look at things with a God’s will focus.
I’m proud of you, as a sister and a friend. It gives me hope to know that when I come to an area in my life similar to yours that I can look to you to do the right thing and strengthen my relationship to God in the process.
I’ll be praying for you!
Big (((hug))) girlfriend! Hope it gets better.
Isn’t it the truth that your family’s attitude is totally reflective on how yours is? I can totally relate. I try to remember a saying that a dear friend once told me, “When God closes a door, a window opens.” Looks like a nice, big window has opened for you.